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Vashj downed, serpents eradicated

posted 25 Jun 2012, 23:45 by Wipus Frequentus

36 tries. Thirty-six. The daunting task of killing Vashj with our team was about as straightforward as defeating the Yankees with the worst group of ballplayers on the planet. Nevertheless, we pressed on, our handicapped instincts never fully realizing the futility of our effort.

Phase one was swiftly learnt. Phase two…not so much. We tried a variety of strategies, though one might say the strategies tried us far more. Core-handling and strider-wrangling were particularly painful. I must admit part of me at first expected us to excel at juggling balls and running away from mobs.

But we persevered, and each wipe polished the crude cobblestone that was our raid group into a gem of befitting lustre.

Our biggest breakthrough came last Monday. We had our resident kite-lock available, and yours truly respecced frost for better control on the striders. It all worked a treat, striders by now had been turned into macabre minions in Hellfiend and Kev’s marionette theatre, and we were pulling all the right strings. We rapidly realized serious phase 3 tries were on their way. Our first phase 3 attempt ended in 41%. Our next try brought us to 15%. A kill was definitely on the cards here. People drank their last extra potions and flasks, ate their food, and realigned themselves firmly with the edge of their seats. Some undid their trousers, for ‘maximal comfort’. I like to think it’s their erotic disposition.

Moments later, the very voice that greeted us so haughtily upon our arrival now shrieks defeat and the body we’ve come to loathe and abhor crashes to the ground (oh, how the tables have turned). Her pride shattered and limbs severed, the matron’s carcass lies before us, obliterated, ripped into and ruined.

absit iniuria verbis, Milady.